JULY 15, 2017
Hi Loves, I hope you are well and happy!
This has been a hard week here at the MTC! They barely give you enough to get by here; meaning sleep, free time, talking to family, and they don’t ever give you the answer to questions, you are the one who has to learn and study for the answers. I have quietly cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion this week. However, I have learned so much in such a short amount of time and I am so grateful for that!! I have to best teacher in the world!! Sister Salvasen, she is from South Africa and seriously is one of my role models, she is so in tune with the spirit and knows so much information about the gospel and she is REAL; she doesn’t pretend to be some perfect being. I love her!!
This week not only has been super hard but again super super humbling. The time where we are in class learning and doing practice investigators is frustrating because you feel imperfect, and your weaknesses come out. I am slowly learning to view my imperfections as an opportunity to become better and become more like my Savior Jesus Christ. I have found that when I am struggling or feeling imperfect to turn to him. During those moments of imperfection, I like to study him (Jesus Christ). I have found such a love for the scriptures but especially for the book "Jesus the Christ" by Talmage. One thing that I have learned is that Christ will make up for our weaknesses 100 fold.
Christ = Infinity
1,000,000*Infinity = Infinity
.00000001*Infinity = Infinity
No matter where we are in life if we turn to Christ, have faith in him and seek him in all things he will make up the difference. Whether you are at your best (1,000,000) or at your worst (.00000001) Christ (Infinity) makes up for us in all things. He knows our weaknesses, our strengths, or pains/sufferings, he knows who we are and what we can become. I am here to Become!! There is a picture that I found this week that has given me strength, and it now means so much to me.
This picture popped up on my LDS app out of nowhere when I was having a really hard day. Queen Esther. I decided to go and diligently study her. She was a woman of Courage, Beauty, Loyalty, and Love. One of the things that I love most about Queen Esther that some people may not notice, was her humility. Out of hundreds of beautiful women, she was chosen by the king. She was even claimed to be the most beautiful women in all the world. Queen Esther had Love and Grace in all things. She could have abused her position, and taken it for granted. Instead, she decided to be but a vessel for the Lord. She had so much power, and yet she treated those beneath her with Love (Mordecai/Jews) and Kindness. She even risked her own life because of the Love she had for her people.
"And so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish"
I Love Queen Esther!!! I hope that through my experience of being out on a mission I can become more like her, and develop her characteristics more fully. Love, Grace, Kindness, Courage, Beauty, and Loyalty. I know that if I center my life around the teachings of Christ, these qualities and characteristics will come with ease. Christ is the MASTER of Grace, Kindness, Courage, Loyalty, and he is absolutely the source of pure and everlasting Love.
Through this hard week have come some of the most tender and spiritual experiences. I find it funny how when we are at our weakest, our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ gives us little tender mercies so that we are capable of getting by. Yesterday was by far the hardest day this week, (I even cried a bit in class and had to excuse myself for a min.) Because I was studying Esther and trying to become like her, I picked myself up and willed the courage to keep going. I went into a private room and humbled myself through prayer. I gave account to my Father in Heaven. I was completely honest with him. I explained to him my struggles, frustrations, and weaknesses. I was at my weakest (.0000001). I poured my soul out to him. In return, he showered me with love. I had glimpses of some of the hardest moments in my life and this came to mind.
"You were not Alone"
And I wasn’t! So why would I be now? Being in the MTC doesn’t even compare to some of the pains and sufferings that I have experienced. And if I could get through those times in life where I literally thought I wouldn’t make it, then I am going to do more than just get by here. I am going to sacrifice everything for him. Heavenly Father answered my prayer by showing me Love at the same time telling me to stop complaining. I have been through worse, and this is nothing. I Love him more than I can express, and that Love is only growing. I can't imagine what it will be like one day when I actually get to be in his presence
...PERFECT...
During that same day (yesterday) when my Father in Heaven had told me to stop complaining because I had been through much worse, he also showed me so much love, he answered my prayer through the Holy Ghost and also through Music. It was after class and I was studying a mural of Christ and writing goals to become more like him. When all of the sudden I heard a faint and familiar melody. "Somewhere in Time" One of my all time favorite music! I got teary because I knew it was a tender mercy sent just for me. I got the impression to follow the music. As I did the beautiful melody got louder and louder. I rounded a corner and walked through two large wooden doors and there was an Elder playing the Piano!! I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. I sat in the far back for what felt like 30 mins and just listened. It brought me so much peace. And again I felt my Fathers and Saviors Love, personally.
I’m still growing, I'm still learning, and I’m loving it! I hope you all know how much I love you, and I pray for each of you individually every night. Remember you are not alone. And you never will be. However, you are the one who determines how close you come to know your savior. And I testify that the more we know of him, and desire to become like him, we will be filled with eternal Joy, Love, and Happiness. Again, I love you all and hope you are doing well!
...YOU ARE NOT ALONE...
Companion Trio!!
Bathroom Break! LOL
Love these girls!
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